Living.

What is living?

I’m not asking if you are alive. I’m asking what is it that makes your heart happy and gives you a sense of fulfillment?

Living will be defined differently by everyone.

I’ve contemplated what real living looks like {or should look like} in my life a lot. So much so that I find myself walking around this same {mental} mountain often, as if there’s a scratch in my record of life, and I can’t seem to get to the next song. The reality is days, weeks, months, and years have come and gone. Good times, bad times, and in-between times have all played a part in this life of mine. However, it seems most days seem mundane…monotonous…lacking in variety, and inevitably I feel like there’s lack of meaning and purpose. Not in the doom and gloom kind of way, but in the “there’s got to be more” kind of way…deeper meaning…greater adventures…greater impact.

Lately, I feel like the Lord is speaking to me about this. I feel him saying, living doesn’t have to look and feel only like what you envision in the far off distance. Meaning, I don’t have to wait to live when “that time comes”, or “this thing takes place”, or “this season ends”. I know that seems silly, and I know this to be true, but to know this and live it out is two different things. I find myself constantly waiting or dreaming of “the day”…and I have lots of days I dream about.

Being a working mom definitely has limitations on some of my dreams, but it is not limiting. I love being a mom. Don’t get me wrong. Love. L-O-V-E. Love. But packing school lunches, taxiing kiddos around town, laundry, dinner, and cleaning up one mess after another on top of a 40 hour work week can seem far from living at times.

But is it?

In my years of waiting to live, I have learned that I can live in every season…every day…every moment, no matter how monotonous it may seem. Instead of letting each breath pass dreaming about “the day” to come and completely missing the beauty in front of me, I get to live “the day” today.

Just maybe the very thing I am made for is right in front of me?

Maybe it looks a lot like a sweet face asking for a cup of milk?

Maybe it feels like the warm fuzzies when you hear your children giggle?

Maybe it looks like a mountain of laundry?

Maybe living looks exactly like it does right now.

I think yes.

Yes, this is what living looks like.

For when I am present, I find myself truly living.